almost 2..... mama denial....

HOW are you almost 2 😩


Juniper will be TWO years old in 6.5 weeks. I can barely wrap my brain around this. It feels as if time has flown by and it couldn't possibly be two years already, and that you've been here all along. There's so much I want to remember:

- You're  counting! To 10, all on your own and unprompted. Pretty sure you only understand what 1 and 2 are, but it's still precious to hear and see how proud you are.
- Your vocabulary is astounding to us. We're always amazed at what you remember, repeat, and come up with.
- Some favorite phrases of ours:
- "sit by" or "sit bottom" when you either want to sit on the counter, or want us to sit by you.
- "Ohhhhh I sowwy mama. I sowwy. You k?"
- After a big sadness or tantrum with tears "I cyin mama. I cy"
- Danks ma!
- You only drink water and milk, and anything you aren't allowed to have you think is "beer". Was cute at first, but it's a little awkward walking through a store super pregnant while you point at bottles or cans and call them "mommy daddy beer!"  At least you've learned coffee now and mostly yell out "mama cofE daddy beer!"
- You have come to with your own sort of rationalizing/self soothing. If you can't have something at that moment you usually stop fussing and say "k. Store laler" (later!) even if we say no to iPad usage, you tell yourself it's ok, get one at the store later 😂
- You're obsessed with doggies. You wake up asking to go visit Sheba at the farm and randomly talk about her. Yesterday at an outdoor restaurant you were making your rounds and petting all the dogs (thanks Oregon!) and ran straight up to a huge pit bull. No fear, my girl.
- I semi regret ever buying a wagon bc you are 100% OVER the stroller. It's wagon or nothing!
- Your fave foods are apples, asparagus, eggs, and unfortunately any chip daddy will let you have. You cried so hard for the jalapeño chips he had that you ate a few like a champ, just to prove your point.
- You did better with our big move than expected. You need mama to rub your back for you to fall asleep now, and I have to remind myself to see it as a blessing and not an annoyance, bc one day you won't want me to anymore.
- Your tantrums are tenfold. I can't even.
- When another child cries when we are out and you are nearby you walk your shy self over and silently lay your hands on their back or pat them until their mommies come over. Melts my whole heart. Kindness and compassion go a long way, and I hope it's something we can instill for a lifetime.
- You HATE Santa.  You even told us you don't want new toys if they have to come from "dat man" 😂
- You love looking at photo albums and pointing out your family members. You beg to FaceTime neenee every couple of days!
- Harper and Poncho are either your best friends or biggest enemies, depending if you're defending a snack or not.
- One of my faves ... when I'm laying with you you crawl up really close and ball up your fists and gently rub them over my eyes while saying "tired mama? Tired? It's ok mama. Tired".
- Singing is your passion. For now. Seriously. You ask to sing/dance multiple times a day. No matter what is on you are humming along and pretending you know the words.
- Your hand motions to the wheels on the bus are the cutest things I've ever seen.

We love you so much, sweet wild child.

Dreamers dream they never die

We're here! WEVE MOVED TO OREGON! I can tell you that 7 years ago no part of my brain could fathom that my future would consist of: marrying my best friend. having his babies. moving to Colorado. My man killing it in the medical marijuana business and expanding to Oregon to be his own COO. Y'all. I can't talk about this move without talking about how proud I am of Chris. So many of us have big dreams. We talk about them and think about them and even go as far as to planning them out. But how many of us leap? Chris took that leap. We moved across the country 4 years ago with little money and no jobs, but he had a plan. We borrowed and scrimped by and even though so many times life would have been easier to just give up, Chris persevered. On top of working his ass off 24/7, he became a daddy. His priorities shifted to providing for his family but never slacking with work, never not planning and perfecting his trade. (Growing pot isn't easy. It may be controversial, it may not be thought if as a craft, but so much goes into it, especially when you care the way Chris does. When you want to be proud of your final product.) I've watched Chris try many methods, not all of them being successful. I've watched him get frustrated and tired and pessimistic, and I've watched him get over it, try harder, and succeed. Are things going to get magically easier now that we are in Oregon? Absolutely not. As with any company, the start up will be slow. The return may be slow. Many obstacles will arise. But I've watched Chris from the beginning, and when he loses faith in himself and his dreams, I've got his back. I believe in his dreams! Because I KNOW he's more than capable. He inspires me everyday to be a better person. To try harder. To work harder. To push harder. That's my mindset with being in a new town with a toddler and soon to be newborn. We will persevere. We will make a wonderful life here because we're blessed to be where we are.  Follow your dreams. Even if they take you 2,200 miles from your friends and family and the place you've always known, go after them. Family won't go anywhere, and neither will your true friends. Your dreams are far more capable of passing you by, go get them. It won't be easy! It will be worth it. ✌️️😘

Election.

I've battled with posting anything. Ive struggled to keep my mouth shut on social media as people say the "libtards" need to get over it. I've never been at a loss for words but when I sit down to write my feelings on this election, I don't know where to start. When people tell me I shouldn't be sad, afraid, or disheartened at the state of our country. I've had multiple friends text or call or email me upset that I am upset about Trump winning the election. I'm allowed to be sad. I'm allowed to grieve. I'm allowed to feel the way I feel, just as everyone else is.

My mom raised me to be loving and accepting of everyone. We are all the same. Generations have struggled to move towards equality for woman, all races, the LGBT community. In my heart, I truly believe we just took years off of this progress, and that saddens me. I want my children to be raised in an America full of diversity, open mindedness, acceptance of others and our differences. I want to live in that America as well.

I fear for the immigrant who will soon be torn from their families. Children from their parents. Husbands from wives. I am all for making changes necessary to control the amount of immigrants coming in, but these people came here for a chance at a better future. For a chance to flee a war-ridden country. For the chance to offer their children an education. Neither you nor I have been in that situation. I do know, I would do whatever I felt necessary to protect my family and children. If that meant seeking more safety illegally in another country than I currently had in my own, sign me up.

I fear for the Muslim community who have had to spend everyday since 9/11 worried about being profiled. Now it's not just a suspicion of theirs, it's a truth. For everyone in a hijab who is looked at as an extremist, terrorist, someone to fear.

I fear for a country governed by people so against the LGBT community. Pence has spent years supporting "gay cure" therapy, where he wanted to take money from HIV research and put it into sexual conversion therapy. To know our leaders are someone who believe homosexuality is something that can be cured, or more so NEEDS to be cured, it hurts my heart. In 2006 Pence signed a bill to ban same sex marriage. In 2013 Pence signed a bill that would jail same-sex couples in Indiana who applied for a marriage license. To prove that he wasn’t singling gay people out, Pence was also willing to jail marriage clerks who supplied a license or clergy who performed the wedding

I don't even think I need to list all of the examples of President Elect Trump being racist or sexist. I don't need to explain why I believe what I do with my body should be my own choice. I don't believe in fracking. I do believe in climate change. I do pay my taxes. He and I simply don't see eye to eye.

I am not just upset that Donald Trump is our next President. I am upset that over 50% of Americans either truly stand by him in all of his out dated beliefs, or that they chose to vote for him regardless of them. I am from the south, y'all. 90% of my friends voted for Trump. Do I think less of them? No. Do I judge them for having a differenting opinion than my own? No. Do I feel I can voice my thoughts and concerns openly with them? Not anymore.

I've prayed a lot. I pray that Donald Trump is a good president. I pray that women don't lose their rights. I pray that people who are in line with me can help our fellow HUMANS, whether homosexual or black or Muslim or Hispanic or in our country illegally or not, I pray that we can help ease the pain they feel. I pray that they know that not all of us see them differently. I pray for peace of mind, that I can accept this outcome and not stay bitter for too long.