It’s rare that I’m still awake after everyone else in the house has fallen asleep. I like to rush to bed as soon as possible because I know my kiddos won’t be down for long. I’m so calm right now, and full of so much love and gratitude for my beautiful family. When I tickle Rivi or dance with him or do anything silly, he gives the best belly laugh you’ve ever heard while cooing “maaamaaaaaa” and it’s seriously the best thing I’ve ever heard and I never want to forget it. Juniper has been giving me a run for my money lately, but ultimately all she wants is all my love. How amazing is that? That my biggest annoyance is someone wanting all of my love?! It may be hard to fall asleep with your toes in my back, it may be hard to listen to every one of your 50,000 words per day. But giving you all of my love, always? Easy. Done and done. I’m married to my best friend. I know everyone says that and it’s just so cliche but it’s also just so true. We laugh, constantly. He does anything to make me and our babies smile and I’ll never take that for granted.
BUT I am not writing this as some “look at me my life is so great” brag post. I COULD not have written this post a month ago, or three months ago. Because anxiety is a bitch. With all of my health stuff since January of this year I’ve felt myself growing more and more anxious. Literally walking around like a ticking time bomb, just wondering when my lips would swell and my body would erupt in hives. Slowly during the last year (I didn’t notice at the time) I became more and more impatient. I was losing my temper, snapping, and even yelling at my kiddos. (Kids do need discipline, they don’t need a mother who reacts in the moment with impatience and anxiety) Which is exactly what I was doing, only I hadn’t realized it yet.
I took CBD for my anxiety at the begginning of the year and I felt myself calmer and more in the moment. I have been out for about 7 months and recently when I really looked hard at my life and accepting that I was NOT practicing self care I decided to figure out what was missing. Juniper had given up naps so I was no longer exercising or journaling. I hadn’t done yoga in months and I was out of cbd. As I almost had a panic attack during Junipers bedtime routine, I marched straight downstairs and asked Chris where the nearest dispensary was. I HAD to start a regimen again. That night I started hemp CBD for anxiety, the next day I started journaling and a week later I started exercise and yoga again. I. Am. A. Whole. New. Person. I like myself again. I’m (mostly) proud of how I respond to my kids during the day, not react. But more importantly I know I’m taking care of myself. That I am doing everything I can to be the best me, so that I can be a good mother and wife and family member and friend. Although I’m a firm believer in CBD, (for all my older friends (grandma) reading- not that it should matter - but cbd is from hemp and has NO THC.;). I’m not telling you that YOU should go start a CBD regimen, I just wanted to remind you that you’re worth taking care of, too. Whether it’s booking a therapy appt, going for a run, or picking back up a habit or hobby that made you destress. We give so much of ourselves to everyone else and we deserve that same care and affection from within. It may have taken me years to realize, but I love finally knowing that I’m worth the extra work, too.
