Monday, November 30, 2015

The Most Wonderful Time of The Year!

Yall, I love Christmas. Like, I LOVE LOVE CHRISTMAS. I think Thanksgiving is the perfect start to the Holiday season. Even if we can't be with family, were reminded to just stop and think and remember what we are thankful for before we go gift crazy. I love giving gifts. I love spending time and picking out something special for someone and feeling so accomplished when I get it right. Gift cards suck...just sayin . But back to things I am thankful for; like green bean casserole, stretchy yoga pants, and coffee creamer. I am most thankful for my sweet husband this year, and the beautiful little girl we made together. I am thankful for all of our family and their love and support. I am thankful for our beautiful friendships that have withstood the test of time, and distance.

I am beyond excited that this is the first year Chris and I have purchased a Christmas tree together! We were either living in tiny apartments in Atlanta and buying tiny fake Charlie Brown trees, or we were saving up for a wedding and a big move, or we had just moved and spent all of our money on the wedding, or we were super pregnant and didn't want to deal with taking decor down with a newborn. This year on the day after Thanksgiving; Chris, Juniper and I drove to a Christmas tree farm in 19 degrees, and picked our perfect tree. I know Juniper doesn't quiet "get it" yet, but she still finds the tree fascinating and home girl knows how to rip up some paper, so Christmas morning should be fun!












 Merry Christmas, Yall. I hope your Holiday season is filled with Peace, Love, and Reeses' Christmas Trees.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

My girl

Oh sweet Juniper, these past three weeks have been so very trying. In the past couple of days you have decided you don't mind formula or bottles, but you only take them every other day. I worry it's your tummy hurting and you can't tell me. I savor these baby moments, but I look forward to when you can tell me what's wrong. 

You are so strong-willed. You're determined to do things yourself (already!) or to at least pretend to. You like to brush your teeth, and trying to put the top on the bottle. When I was feeding you via syringe last week you would laugh and take the syringe from me and then dip it into the cup yourself. I love watching you learn.

You have been very attached to mommy lately and very cuddly, but I don't mind. Well I mind a little at 4am, and when I'm on the phone with an automated system and the whines keep making the thing say "I'm sorry. I do not understand". Same here, lady. Same here. 

We haven't left the house much in the past few weeks, first because of you being sick, then mama sick, then you not eating, and then me having to pump around the clock. But now that I'm done pumping and you sometimes decide to eat, we're going to get out and about  again when the snow clears. 

I love you, so much. You teach me patience and have filled my heart with more than I could ever imagine. I wonder if I read to you enough, if I'm challenging your little growing mind enough, if you're getting a well-balanced diet (especially since you forego breastmilk and formula!) 
All I can do is try my best, ya know? And I'll always try my best for you. ❤️❤️


Saturday, November 14, 2015

Bittersweet


And after 10 months... Daddy finally gets to feed Juniper a bottle ❤️💔
Juniper got sick almost 2 weeks ago, on top of all 4 top teeth trying to come through. She quit nursing! As a mommy I was panicking because my baby wasn't eating, I was sad because nursing ended so abruptly and we have such a good nursing relationship and I was super exhausted because Juniper would be up every night from 1-4am - hungry but refusing to eat.

I'm positive it was a nursing strike, associated with stuffy nose and hurting gums. And where most babies usually come around and start to nurse again, Juniper is very headstrong and I truly just don't see her going back to nursing. (She didn't like bottles? Never took them. Hated purees? Straight to finger foods.) I tried all the tricks. Walked around topless. Co-bathing. Trying to nurse when she first woke/was tired/was fast asleep. Trying after Tylenol and teething tablets and a wet rag on gums. Tried to trick her with a bottle or syringe first and then switch to breast. She wasn't having it. I syringe fed her pumped milk for 10 days. 

Then last night she finally took a 3oZ bottle from dad in the evening, then a 3oz bottle from me at bedtime.  Then she slept 9 glorious hours straight. NINE. She woke at 4:30, drank 2 more oz, then slept til 7:30am. Unicorns and rainbows and all the magical things!! 

She is of course refusing them today, but she has a stuffy nose and is constantly rubbing her gums. Poor baby. 

I bought formula today. I was embarrassed. I felt inadequate buying it. I wanted everyone to know I tried my best and I just can't pump enough. I don't judge anyone else for formula and I know second to breastmilk it's the healthiest thing we will ever feed our babies, but my goal was no formula. Exclusively breastfed for 12 months. But Juniper  had other plans. I'm still accepting this. So far she won't take the formula but I think that's more because she's not feeling well than anything. 

I'm still going to pump as much as I can. But as soon as she's taking formula and it's not worth it to pump anymore (like pumping 5x a day for not even a whole bottle-) I am going to be done. 

10 months is an amazingly long time to exclusively breastfeed. No date nights. Minimal caffeine. Nursing 2-4x a night because that's just what Juniper wanted. No help because Chris can't nurse her 😂 there's so many pros and cons to be moving past this stage in Junipers life. Pro? I've already lost 6lbs. I was an unlucky one who held on to the weight when nursing non stop. Another pro? Daddy and Juniper can bond a little more and he can do some night time feeding. Another pro? Girls night. 

I'm sad and happy it has come to this. Sad that our amazing nursing relationship has ended. Happy that we made it this far. Sad this Juniper doesn't need me in quite the same way anymore. Happy that I'm her mama and she will always need me. Sad I did not get to mentally prepare myself for Juniper to be finished nursing. Happy that we didn't have some long drawn out complicated weaning process. 

As long as she's happy and healthy, I'll be fine ☺️