I admit I have an awful memory. It's truly embarrassing. I know hypothyroidism can cause brain fog, I know I've always been somewhat distracted, and I know there are a few years in my life I wanted to forget, so maybe all of that plays a part. I will run in to people and know that I know them, but not know how or where they once fit into my life. I remember faces but not names. I have entire chunks of time that I just don't remember. Like age 22. What did I do that year? Where was I? No effing clue. I have entire relationships (either friendships or boyfriends or whatever) where I can't tell you a single detail. Nothing.
Because of this I hold on tight to new memories. I write them in a journal, I document with way too many pictures, I blog, and I write in a baby book. I don't want to forget! I want to remember how tiny Juniper's hands feel in my own. I want to remember her head on my chest and her breathing fall into the shallow relaxed pattern as she falls asleep in my arms. I want to remember how she follows me around saying "mama" and "up" and copies my every move. She makes my faces and my silly noises and mimics everything I do from cutting her fingernails to cooking dinner and brushing our teeth. I want to remember that even when Chris and I were broke and struggling and newlyweds in a new state far from family and friends and comfort and holding on frazzled hope for the future, that we were still so happy and in love. Then when Denver rent was killing us and jobs weren't paying what they did in Atlanta, that we could still just be together and laugh and be okay. Stressors and all. I want to remember so many things to tell Juniper.
My mom was a single busy hippieish mama. Putting herself through nursing school with two young kids and then working the hours of a new nurse and being mama all on her own. I don't have a baby book. I don't have a ton of pictures. She doesn't quite remember when we got our first teeth or started walking. This is no fault of hers. She's an in the moment kind of person. She didn't have time for these things and probably had no clue it would matter to me. I'm thankful I can call her at any time and get a nurses opinion on what is going on with Juniper, but sometimes I wish I knew more about my childhood.
When Juniper is a new wife or new mom one day I want to be able to relay all of these stories to her. When her baby is up all night and nurses around the clock, (if she chose to nurse) I want to remind her that she did the same. When she is worried that her baby isn't walking by a year old, I'll be able to tell her that she didn't until closer to 14 months. When shes a newly wed and (if) bills are tight and frustrations are high I want to remind her that I've been there, and it's okay.
As Chris and I's tattoos say "Love is Enough".
Her newest thing I want to remember: Every night after bath we get dressed in our bed. Then we cuddle and read books and brush our teeth. When she's tired she says "no no" and gets down from our bed and walks her little self to get her milk from the kitchen stool. She comes right back and takes it into her room and waits by the rocker while I get her sleep sack and bunny ready. She is so proud of herself. I'm so proud of her! Little does she know it's her last week with the last remaining bottle, but hopefully the sippy
cup will have the same routine.
She has a new found love for Harper dog. She wants to love Poncho too, he just won't let her. She looks for him and laughs and runs to be by him. If she sees a doggie in a book she stops reading and looks around the house to find Harper, then comes back to continue the book. She says "pat pat" while she pets him and has started laying her head down on him. Today when I dropped the dogs off at the vet and they carried Harper out of the room she cried her little eyes out.
She used to just call her water "gah". Now everything she wants or wants to hand you is "gah". We think it means "that" because she used to point and we would say "do you want that?" She will say gah repeatedly and if we don't understand what item she is wanting it's a full blown tantrum. She's smart and strong willed and I adore her, tantrums and all.
She has always tried to fit into tiny spaces. She likes being confined. She sleeps in the corner of her crib, body squished against the side. She likes playing in nooks and being in tunnels. I've had to un-stick her from boxes, baskets, bottom of the stroller, under the table rails, and many other too small spaces. It's silly and it's her and I want to remember it.
(This last picture is from September, 8 months old)
I don't let Juniper watch tv yet but we do watch the news in the evening and I dont mind if she's in the room for it. There is a political commercial right now with a donkey and an elephant just staring at each other. When she even hears the music for the beginning of that commercial she stops what she's doing, starts making elephant noises and throwing her "trunk" (arm!) up in the air and runs towards the tv to make sure we see the elephant also! I love that she loves elephants, and I love that one of her new words is giraffe "raffe".
I once had someone tell me I over share on Instagram. Maybe I do, but the long captions are for the few others that care, just as much as they are for me and my poor memory. I want to remember!
