Y'all, I am totally okay with the way I look until I see a picture. My thyroid levels are great, I'm happier than I've ever been in my life, I have an amazing husband and baby, and as long as I avoid the scale and/or looking at pictures of myself I can live in ignorant bliss.
I know that thyroid disease + breastfeeding play a major role in my weight loss progress (or lack thereof) I know that when Juniper weans I will no longer worry about my supply and my endocrinologist and I can work on losing weight with my hashimotos hypothyroid. I know that my body is doing and has done amazing things. After birthing a baby, making it through those first sleepless 6 weeks, and exclusively breastfeeding for 8+ months, I quite literally feel like superwoman.
I'm proud of this body and all it has done. I see a cushy mommy who has put her baby first and knows when Juniper no longer needs to nurse, I will be more "me" again. Right now, and for the past 18 months, my body is shared.
So why am I going through vacation pictures and afraid to post any on social media? I've realized it's not because I care how I look in these pictures. It's because I care what others will think.
The muttered words of "look how big she has gotten" or "I can't believe she hasn't lost that baby weight".... And it makes me sick. It makes me sick that I care. It makes me sick that society has made us to care.
My tummy is saggy and has stretch marks. But it housed and grew and protected my little girl. My boobs are out of control and can barely be contained, and unless I have surgery they will never look the same. But they nourish and comfort my little girl. My arms are where most of the weight seems to reside. But these arms cuddle, protect, carry, and play with my little girl. ( And change endless diapers.)
I'm really over the "getting my body back" pictures mere weeks after having a baby. You never lost your body. It's been there kicking ass all along.
I wish we/society as a whole could put more focus on these things. The important things. Because when I look back on these pictures in 2,5,15,30years from now I will not see a "fat mommy", I will see a beautiful happy family who made amazing memories with close friends on a weekend getaway to Breckenridge. And that's what is important.
Fun times at Oktoberfest, Juniper's first dinner out (she did great!), football, yummy food, amazing company, and beautiful views. ❤️
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