Self love, anti diet-pill rant

This is gonna be long. If you have any loved ones on diet pills, please try to make it all the way through! I don't even know where to begin with this. It's a whole hypothyroid/self love/anti diet pill rant all in one. I won't get into the whole back story other than this - diagnosed hypothyroid in 2009 after unexplained weight gain, forgetfulness, and hair loss. Was put on Synthroid (synthetic thyroid replacement - chemicals!) and continued to get worse with worsening symptoms. Finally we move to Colorado in 2012 and I found a doctor that prescribed me Armour thyroid (dissected pig thyroid - all natural). When my levels were balanced out on Armour I felt much better, although the added weight was still impossible to lose. Now back to the past year:

After a healthy and successful pregnancy on Armour, I had beautiful Juniper! And I was able to breastfeed where a lot of hypothyroid mamas can't. Thank goodness! I had more energy other than new-mom-nursing- baby-up-all-night-tiredness. I had no physical symptoms that I have had in the past. My body didn't hurt as much or at all. And even though I still have hair loss that's hard to say if from thyroid or postpartum. 

I mentioned to my endocrinologist that I still couldn't lose weight (Some moms use nursing to lose their baby weight quicker! Jokes on me, my body stored all the fat to make milk) Two months after Juniper quit nursing my endo put me on Qsymia. A diet pill that is half phentermine (popular diet pill) and half topiramate (the second being a seizure medication that has a side effect of weight loss although they have no reason why.. Sounds super safe huh?) Now I'm

NOT just blaming my doctors. No one forced me to take anything.  I have spent thousands of dollars in the past on personal trainers, nutritionist, diet and recipe books, you name it and I've tried it. When I asked about a diet plan tailored to thyroid problems instead of a quick fix diet pill the doctor convinced me that my thyroid and metabolism were "stuck" and that I wouldn't lose ANY WEIGHT without these diet pills jump starting the process. Well, since that's my track record I agreed with them. 

During the two months I was on Qsymia I was sad, moody, in a fog, had body aches, sweating, heart palpitations, and DIDNT LOSE A POUND. I went in to the doctor and they agreed it was time to wean off of them, because no weight loss! Also - you have to wean off of them slowly so you don't have a seizure. At this time I started having irregular kidney blood work as well.... 

They switched me to phentermine. Which I took as a skinny teenager when I didn't need it, so I knew it worked but I also knew I would feel really "amped up" like a too much caffeine and adderall writing a college paper all nighter. I hate that feeling, but again, all I saw was the number on the scale, the desperation in my heart, and swim season around the corner. After 5 weeks on phentermine AND NO WEIGHT LOSS (where a friend on the same medicine was losing 5-8lbs a week) I started having severe eye pain. I knew this was linked to phentermine because like I said, I've taken it in the past. Between eye pain, feeling like my heart may explode, insomnia, and still not losing weight, I knew it was time to come off of this medicine as well. 

Today, I spent 3 hours in the ER with severe chest pain. It started about 3 days ago and has gotten worse every day. It would come on all at once like a wave of shooting pain and in the 5-20 seconds it takes to pass I couldn't breathe or speak. My primary care today advised me to go to the ER, so I did. I called Chris crying and asked

him to come home from work and stay with Juniper. I think the crying alarmed him. I've put up with a lot of ailments since being diagnosed hypothyroid. I always try to have a brave face. Life IS good. I can spend all day focused on my symptoms or I can keep trucking. I usually choose truckin'. 

After an EKG, more heart monitoring, 9 vials of blood work, a chest X-Ray and an IV of fluids, the doctor decides I have pleurisy. This is fluid in the walls around the lungs, which can cause excruciating chest pain when taking a breathe.  Normally it is only seen if patient has or has recently had pneumonia, bronchitis, or any virus with a cough. I've had none of these things. After further talking and research, he believes that my pleurisy was absolutely caused by the phentermine I was taking. 

Let's go over this. 

Diet pills =

Racing heart

Insomnia

Kidney problems

Eye problems

Bad mood

Brain fog

Sweating

Pleurisy

And NO WEIGHT LOSS. 

Y'all, I've had a ton of time to think about this. I usually don't talk about my weight or struggle because I've realized that it bothers other people

more than it does me. I still feel pretty. And sexy. And confident enough. And most importantly, happy. Because people ASSUME that being overweight = being unhealthy, I've decided my weight was a problem. But is it? Other than not aesthetically pleasing to some people? 

I can push my daughter miles and miles in the stroller to get to the best park. 

I can dance and be silly and jump around and chase my daughter. 

I'm active and shocker.... I'm healthy. I have blood work done every month, other than the hypothyroidism and temporary diet pill induced kidney problems, I AM HEALTHY! HEAR ME ROAR! On top of that, when I'm not focused on the weight I CANT LOSE or the clothes I CANT WEAR anymore, I'm REALLY HAPPY. My life is great. I have a precious little girl who makes life worth while. I have a loving husband who has never once said anything about my weight, and loves me curves and all. It's time for self love. No more searching for the next weight loss solution. I eat healthy. I walk almost daily. We cook with organic lean meats and veggies every single day.  This is a thyroid problem, this is even a society problem, but this is not a ME problem. Moral of the story, even when you believe nothing will ever help you to lose weight again....

 Diet pills are not the answer, y'all. (And love yourself!)