They say ya can't go home

Visits back to Ga for me are so bittersweet. I love seeing family and friends. I love showing my kids where I grew up. I love sweet tea. Hunting lightning bugs with Juniper is a new favorite memory. Having my first 1-1 time with Rivi while Juniper plays with family has been special too. But nothing ages me more than coming "home". Nothing makes me as introspective. I left as a young 25yo with not a lot of cares and this visit I am back as a 31yo mom of 2 with a ton of responsibilities. When I last lived here I could meet you at a bar on a whim, I could stay up late, I could even make plans! When I visit now, my days are quick and sporadic outings planned between bottles and naps and sleep schedules. Even more so than when in Oregon because my kids are also on a different time zone. I feel like I have constantly had to explain why I can't do something or go somewhere. It annoys other people. My baby gets HANGRY and screams in restaurants until I need to leave and wait outside with him. Which leaves a toddler upset and crying for mama ... which means while others enjoy their meal, I'm hanging outside with two young kids who are over it. ( not fun FYI). Rivi is too distracted on the go and he won't eat, which equals a super fussy baby and us up all night feeding to make up the calories (not so fun, either). It doesn't annoy me though. I wouldn't trade this stage or wish it away. It's hard. I'm so exhausted. I barely ever have time to dry my hair and I'm covered in spit up and snot every single day. If I move out of Rivis line of sight for a second he has a meltdown. But jesus it goes by quickly and I'll miss it so damn much. I'll miss Rivi burying his face into my neck. I'll miss Juniper asking "hold you mama" and "let's go chat bout it". and "dis fun mama bear". One day my life won't revolve around bottles and naps and I know I'll yearn for it. I won't wish this away. So friends, I miss you! It's not personal. I'm just nose deep in mama/baby hood & my babies needs will always come first. ❤









Well, I came a long way to be here today
And I left you so long on this avenue.
And here I stand in the strangest land
Not knowing what to say or do.
As I gaze around at these strangers in town
I guess the only stranger is me.
And I wonder, yes, I wonder,
Is this the way life's meant to be?
—Electric Light Orchestra, "The Way Life's Meant to be".