I'm not actually sad to be turning 30. I am in a much better place than I was at 20, or even 25, I'm definitely more mature, and I have my husband, home, and baby! I AM sad that my entire life I've viewed 30 as so old and now here I am. At its doorstep. I don't feel so old. I feel as if my life has only just begun since getting married and having Juniper. I actually still look around and wonder "how the hell am I an adult? Who is letting me adult?!?!" I schedule doctor and dentist visits, and oil changes, (currently sitting in the lobby now). I go grocery shopping and plan menus, IVE LEARNED HOW TO COOK. All these things that at a young age you know will come eventually, and then BAM, it's here and you've learned how to be a self sufficient adult without even realizing what was happening. How did that happen? What point along the way did I go from barely knowing how to boil water to birthing a child and making sure our family has well-balanced meals that I prepare?!
I spent a little while after having Juniper trying/wanting to fit in with the other moms. Wanting their acceptance. Wanting mom friends and play dates for Juniper so badly that I was buying the more boring mommy looking clothes (no offense) and not quite being myself. Not telling people what Chris did for a living because for some reason in year 2016 in a legal state people still judge you when your husband grows pot for a living. Only in the past few months did I decide fuck that. I was raised to be proud of who I am. I'm quirky and sarcastic and I have a lisp and unruly hair. I like bohemian clothes and bare feet. I don't care for makeup and most days you'll catch me without any. I'll never own khakis or high heels as long as I can get away with it. (Khakis - never. Ew. ) I have a huge heart with so much love to go around and I'll always be there for my friends. I started to feel not good enough. Because of other people ... Why would I hide who I am to meet a few stuffy judgemental moms? I don't WANT those people in my life. Y'all, since I decided not to care, I'm all kinds of free and happy.
It's hard being in a different state. My best friends, the ones that love Juniper regardless of having barely met her, the ones that love me exactly as I am, are 2,000 miles away. Thank goodness for social media and text messages and air planes :) I will eventually find a mama tribe that isn't quite so far away, but until then I won't sell myself short. More importantly, I won't sell Chris short. He busts his ass for me to be a stay at home mom. I'm proud of him and his career, and anyone who can't at least respect that isn't good enough for me.
So good bye 20's, bring it on 30! I'm exactly where I should be and looking forward to the future. Happily married and in love with my best friend, raising a beautiful baby girl, girl friends near and far who lift me up, supportive loving family, and finally finally not giving a shit what anyone else thinks. Hallelujah!
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